Today I walked out on a truly toxic person.After trying everything to make it work,I realized that he was simply unable to deal with the reality that i am sick unless i force him to come to terms with it. and until he does that, it is not safe for me to be with him- emotionally or physically.
so, now i’m writing a new script-trying to find a way to make a healthy relationship with a unhealthy person. so i wanted to talk to you about mine- and science discoveries on how to cope with such people.
With chronic illness, it seems there is always someone who doesn’t believe us, who just keeps hurting us- be it a doctor, a spouse, a friend, a child, a parent-
so i am making this day 18 of the chronic illness challenge– if there is such a person in your life- read this, read it again, and internalize it.
if you are lucky enough not to have such a person, share it with a friend who is struggling. sending you warm hugs if you are dealing with this very difficult challenge!Feel free to contact me at firstname.lastname@example.org if you need someone to talk to.
a insider’s guide on how to help yourself stay healthy in a unhealthy relationship:
how to know if you have a unhealthy relationship (this is tailored for a partner, but modify it for your life)
see your own strengths. don’t let anyone let you think you are anything less then awesome
I recommend what is in some situations a more healthy and sustainable course of action which is to decide this moment to appreciate, recognize, and reward the strengths you know you have.
Assert those strengths and use them daily, gently, in your relationships. In this course of action, there is the opportunity to salvage relationships that can be salvaged. Too often we let other people relate to us on the basis of our weaknesses, faults and everything by which we judge and condemn ourselves and they come to know no other way of relating to us. It will take some relearning and reconditioning to achieve this change of relating to others through our strengths, especially if the negative relationship has been long term-
2.Get someone to talk it out with, and to give you the love and validation you deserve
Be it a mentor, a friend or a therapist it is always a great idea to have someone who isn’t a part of your situation to talk to.They can see things objectively, and give advice without emotion clouding your judgment. They can hear you out when you need a sounding board, and give you the love and attention that others wouldn’t.
If there is someone is your life that is unhealthy, that need becomes much stronger. You are not getting love and validation- they can give it to you. The person is not listening to or respecting your feelings- they can do that for you. and they can see if a relationship is toxic for you.
3. make your expectations crystal clear.
no one can fix anything or change themselves, until they know what it is you want from them. Try to come up with a working, doable plan that you need them to do. something that will have create a situation where you are happy, not just a compromise. Make sure its reasonable. Maybe hash it out to someone else. and if they cannot do that for you its time for step 4-
please, please get out. if you have tried everything, done everything you possibly could-your relationship needs to end. and not just for you. becouse toxic people are toxic to themselves more then anyone else.
And i know it’s hard. it is so hard. and you will cry, and regret your decision and want to go running back- i know i did. But if you do that, nothing will every change. Ever. some people just cant work so hard. and if you are not worth them working with everything they have, then they. are. not .worth. your .time.