Here’s what been going on:
Remember when I told you that things should calm down and ill be able to post (and live normally)soon? Well, my mast cells apparently did not g at the memo and I really want to share, so I’m doing posts one paragraph at a time.
My thrush which is still contributing to swollen,red,painful knees, pain when swallowing that makes it extremely painful to eat anything but soft foods and general sick feeling, is finally starting to get better with meds. But from the begging, I did not do well with it,even in its compounded (made without color,taste,smell or preservatives)form.
At first the reaction was relatively minor. But then it got worse, and worse, and worse~until the albuterol stopped working and I needed more emergency meds. I was so dizzy, my heart was pouring like a African drum. I was executed. And the attacks ~coughing fits, chest pain and tightness, spasms~were getting worse and worse. It was time to pull the plug.
Though we texted the doctor a few days ago,New still have have not yet heard back from him. So I was left in a quandary~do I not take the medicine and risk the thrush getting even worse or do I take it and risk a severe reaction?
Also with that comes that I don’t know if there is any meds that other then this one that can treat it or any guarantee that they will be better. So I choose to stop taking it for now and call my doctor the next morning and make sure to get either:
1. A new medicine or
2. An allergy med that can control the reaction to the current medication
But then the fear came. The doubt. Had I made the right resection? I didn’t know. I was am scared that I would get even sicker, that the reaction would get worse, because sometimes the worst reaction is as soon as I stop being exposed to it.
I stopped myself. I had made the reaction I though was right. I had done everything I could. Now I needed to let go. The plan was in place. I had done the best that I could, though it seems so inadequate.
And i have found that learning to make a plan, doing all I can~and relaxing I had done all I could~and then sitting back and let whatever happens happen. To just let it go. The worry,the pain,the things beyond my control.
It’s something that those of us with chronic illnesses have To learnas th again and again. You could only manage studying 20 minutes of studying for a test that needs two hours~study those 20 minutes~and accept that is all you can do.
It is so important, because if you can accept your limitations, you can work with them. By accepting to do all you can and letting go of the work your body can’t handle, the stress and worry you don’t need, you’ll be giving your body the rest it needs~and you’ll feel At Peace with where you are.
Its not easy at all, and I needed some practical advice on how to let things go. So,of course, when I think of letting it go, I think of the song let it go from Frozen. Here’s the pieces I found most helpful:
- “Don’t care what they are going to say”~
Only you will live your life. You will be the one your choices effect the most. It is your body that will suffer from being pushed further then it can go. It is hard for people to understand those with chronic invisible illness. They will many times bother us that we shouldn’t be “sitting around and doing nothing.”but you are not doing nothing. You are recuperating. And nothing anybody says can change that.
2.”Its time to see what I can do,test the limits and break through “~
you are strong. You are really, really strong. And you have so much power in your hands. Sometimes your courage will mean listening to your body. It takes strength to say no to what you want to dob and do what you need to. See what strength you have inside. Break through your self imploded barriers. Find the strength to let go.
3. “Here I stand and here I stay.”
Nothing should change your decision, if you have have really though it thorough and done what you think makes the most sense. Once you decided you have done all you can, stick with that.
4.”I’m never going back. The past is in the past. “~
after you have made your decision, its time to move on.don’t rethink your choice 100 times.
also what I learned from this:don’t antagonize over what happened in the past,all the previous choices you made. You can only fix what is going on right now. We can only move toward. So… onward!
To sum up: let go of everything that is beyond control, leaving you in pain and not allowing you to forward.But hold on tightly to what is in your control, to the things that you need and don’t let go!
How do you let it go?
Would you rather more personal posts, inspirational posts or international posts?