What i think is the worst part about being sick 


whats going on 

 

I am back in that dark,dark place where my spasms are so awful that even a tiny sip of water causes me a half hour  of spasms and coughing attacks. Even sucking a lollipop has become a trigger. I spoke to the pedatrition on Friday, and he told me tobe call him who am today. 

The ent is on vacation. The allergist is not available on weekends. Last time this happened, the doctors in the top hospital that I went go had one medication that might possibly help, do they used it and it worked. But now it has stopped working. And I am terrified of a feeding tube that we got way to close to last time. 

But if I got it~I would never go a day without eating and drinking again.this problem simply would not exist. For a person who has been in the Er many,many more times then I can count with this exact problem ~gone days with losing weight rapidly, been hospitslized, tried 3 different treatments~all with awful side effects~spent days of unstable vitals, dangerously low blood sugar, dizzy to the point of losing balance frequently, and once even fainting,plus many,many other awful symptoms ~I guess its starting not to feel that awful. 

Its tough, I know it will get worse before it gets better. But those mast cells are no match for me. I a m strong and secure in G-D’s hands. 

The worst part of being sick 

 You know the worse part about being sick is not not being able to do many things because I can react to them. Its not the endless, awful attacks. Its not the constant pain and muscle tension throughout my body. Its not the da he where I need to eat so badly,But I can’t. Its not going into anaphylaxis. And trust me,every one of those things are awful. The worst is the emotional pain. When people think you are ovexatrateeing.
When they tell you that your symptoms that are so real and you feel so hopeless about are all in your mind. When they aren’t there tof you when you needs them most because there are more important things then your imagination. When they look at you,in that awful place of pain and attacks and hopelessness and say “it can’t really be that bad.”

Here’s what I have to say to that:

 

I can find it in me to forgive the people that I love. Because they are human,and humans make mistakes. But now can someone expect me to turn to them when I have been let down over and over again? 

I don’t need anyone. G~D can take care of me just fine. He can allow me to help myself, and I am quite good at that. My doctors are great. But I wish I had you too. I wish I had you too. That would mean the world to me. Now, time to call the doctor.

Loneliest place on earth is where no-one believes ya.~Hawai’i five 0

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